This poem was written by ArtServe member Jo Kay while on silent retreat at Douai Abbey in Berkshire. Anothe poem inspired by her retreat is Multi-faceted God.

Looking (waiting for God) - Oh! 

Well, here I am God
Looking for you again.
You surely must be in this place,
a place of peace and calm.
But can I find you?
No!

I sit in the oratory,
ceiling soaring to the sky.
Reading your word,
going through the motions.
But can I find you?
No!

I’m doing all the routines;
feet on floor, breathing slowly.
I’ve ‘Jesus’d’ in and ‘Have mercy’d’ out;
I’ve breathed God in and breathed the muddles out!
I’ve ‘Be still’d’ and ‘Know’d’;
I’ve calmed my mind – or tried to.
breathed in and out, as if my life depended on it! – Ha!
But still I cannot find you.

But still your voice is silent.
My mind senses your presence
as I sit alone in the church,
where thousands have sat before.
You must be here-in this splendour and grace.
But do you speak to me?
No!

I sense that you’re there
even in the terraced house I call home.
There is peace and there is quiet;
until the children or the dogs start;
or my cat miaows for attention!

So I’ll persevere
with my breathing in and out – it’s best to!
I’ll keep trying to hear your voice.
And who knows – well you do – one day –
one minute – there’ll be an – Oh!
A flash of light, a blaze of colour;
A brief glimpse of God’s glory.

Did that really happen?
A kingfisher moment;
A promise of more – so –
I’ll keep on breathing in and out;
Feet on the floor, arms relaxed;
Back straight and feel the clothes
Caressing my shoulders.

And one day, one day,
However long it takes
I’ll see that light and colour again
But this time too, the voice of God saying:
‘Here I am my child, my vessel of the future;
I’ve been here all the time;
Waiting for this moment
To have your FULL attention.
To let you know I’m here
To prove that I exist.
Because I am always here,
Within you, inside you
In the peace and the quiet;
In the noise and the clamour;
I am always here-waiting for you.’

And I’ll say ‘For all this time I’ve been
Waiting for God – Oh!’